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BLUETHREAD READERS TALK
BACK
On Sun, 4 Jan 1998 Jennifer S Abbott
<fsjsa1@aurora.alaska.edu> wrote:
I just read Rabbi Hershel Matt's essay "Covering My
Jewish Head" and I thought that it was wonderful. I do have
a question that I would like to get some feedback on. I am
in the process of converting to Judaism (Reform) and I have
been thinking about wearing a Kippah. I know that it is very
much accepted in my synagogue for a female to wear one...but
I am not sure if it would be okay outside of the synagogue
(other than when studying or praying). What do you think
about the idea of females wearing kippah in public places?
Bluethread responds:
January 7, 1998
Dear Jennifer,
We are so happy that you liked
Rabbi Matt's essay. We think the world of his writings and
hope to get permission to include more in the future.
As to the kippah question, it is a
delicate one.
A few years ago we visited a
synagogue that had been Reform in my youth. From the moment
we entered it was clear that things had changed. It was 9:30
a.m. but services had been going on a while. The large
sanctuary was divided into three sections; men sat on the
far left and women on the far right. As we hesitated on the
threshold, a man approached us. He carried a tallit for my
husband and a small lace doily for my head.(I did not at
that time regularly wear a kippah in the sanctuary, but I do
now, as well as a tallit. My husband wears a kippah, but
usually wears a tallit only when on the bimah.) The man saw
our somewhat bewildered look and gestured towards the middle
section, where he said that married couples were welcome to
sit. Later on we found out that it was a Conservative
congregation. We spent the morning there feeling a little
strange, but welcome.
One lesson that we learned is that
you can never be completely sure what will be expected of
you in attire or behavior once you leave the safety of your
own community. As much as possible, we try to keep true to
our own practice without disturbing those around us.
However, we also try to observe the "customs of the house"
when we are visiting another synagogue. Therefore, we would
wear or not wear head coverings and tallitot if requested.
If no one says anything to us, we feel free to follow our
own devices.
Another lesson is that the
synagogue itself has a responsibility to gently inform
visitors of its practices. At our shul, we prefer that those
called to the bimah wear a tallit, so the cantor and the
rabbi keep a couple of spares on hand. At larger events,
such B'nai Mitzvah, the family sometimes includes the
customs of the house in the little souvenir booklet they
distribute.
As to wearing a kippah all the
time, I am sure you will confuse or offend some people, but
be an inspiration to others. The important things are to
know why you are choosing to wear it and then to pay
attention to how the wearing of it makes you feel. Whether
because it expresses a connection that you already have or
one that you would like to have, the wearing of it is really
between you and God and is nobody's business but your
own.
A cantor once told me that he has
chosen to wear his kippah:
- when he studies;
- when he prays;
- when he teaches; and
- when he enters the
sanctuary.
He likes the enhanced feeling of
specialness that pulling the kippah out of his pocket and
putting it on his head gives him.
You mentioned your upcoming
conversion. When I was preparing to convert, I choose
several symbolic actions that I told myself I would not
perform until after the formal moment of change. Among them
was the wearing of a kippah and tallit. No one would have
said anything to me one way or the other, but, as Reform
Jews, sometimes we need to create ways to express our most
deeply felt experiences.
Thanks again for writing Bluethead.
Please keep in touch.
Rose Falanga
On Fri, 5 Dec 1997 MC STEVENS <MCSTEVENS@aol.com>
wrote:
Well, your website is wonderful! Only today, a rainy,
drizzly, gray El Nino day have I taken what I thought would
be a few minutes to check it. One hour later, I am musing on
the things I read in your new drosh, Being Different/Being
Holy.
What a nice meditation! I can identify with much of what
you said! You were the tallest -- I was the shortest and
tiniest -- a whopping 50 pounds in 7th grade! My best friend
was the tallest girl. Being different is for sure a mixed
blessing!
Matt's dilemma speaks to me as well -- I have a beautiful
Star of David that I love to wear, but I also know that it
sets up a hugely different dynamic --shifts the meeting
ground and bends the prism in a way that I am not sure is
always best -- either spiritually or emotionally, in just
plain human connection terms. It is truly a dilemma. For
now, I pick and choose.
Sometimes things just feel better private, like jewels
and treasures to open away from bright light -- like the
Japanese incense ceremony in which the incense is burned in
a pot, not from a stick, and is held in the individual's
hands and passed from one to the next. Privately breathed
and then shared.
And the amulet syndrome. I understand that one too. Isn't
that so easy? Step on a crack...
1/7/98
© 1997 Rosemarie E. Falanga, Cy H. Silver
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